Well, it's been quite awhile since my last post. I have no real reason, I have had many thoughts and things to journal, but just don't get it done. So here is this one, enjoy, it might be awhile before the next one again.
Today I had the most terrifying, humbling, and blessed thought I may have ever had. I was putting away some clean dishes and Caleb was playing with his train in the living room. He started saying "MamaDaddy," and yes he says them as one word sometimes. Suddenly, I had this vision of him as a teenager or a young adult telling friends about his parents. You know, like we all do at so many times in our lives. Things like "my mom does such and such" or "my dad used to do this with me." That wasn't the part that struck me it was the thought that when he is talking to someone saying those types of things, he will be talking about me! I am his mom! No, I am not just realizing this simple fact, but I was a whole new perspective on my role in his life. I have never had this role and have never thought about being that person he is talking about to others in his life. While I am so incredibly blessed to be his mama, it is humbling to think about what he might tell others about me as he goes through his life.
I certainly don't want it to be things that I would not be proud of, though I know I do those things far too often as it is. But I can only pray that the good things will overpower the negative things. And I find myself wondering what are the things that will stand out to him. What will he tell others about his parents as he was growing up?
I think back to what my own younger life and what are the things that stand out to me about my parents. Everything that comes to mind is relational. Like when I was shopping with my dad and convinced him, as I could of most things, to let me get my ears pierced a second time. It's not really a memory about the actual piercing but about my relationship with my dad and the time spent together. I think about the time I spent helping my step mom make a fleece baby girl blanket while I was in high school, then getting it as a Christmas present that year to save away in case I have a baby girl someday. I still have that blanket and it means so much to me and love that my baby girl will have it, as was always the plan!
I know Caleb won't remember much of the first few years of his life, but I hope that for he and Zoey, when then get old enough to remember things, that I am able to make the memories they will cherish all their lives. Those memories don't have to be expensive or extravagant, but filled with love and quality time spent with them to make them feel how much I love and cherish them as well as how much our Father in Heaven loves them and cherishes them too.