Neck Deep But Not Yet Drowning

As the world has gone deeper and deeper into the wide world of technology, I have managed to get probably waist deep into it all but have managed to save myself from getting completely swept away with the tide by abstaining from certain things, blogging being one of them.  As I may be subjecting myself to the deep end of things, risking drowning completely, I am going to attempt this.  I mainly managed to steer clear of this alternate form of wasting time by just not really having much to say, and honestly, I still may not have much to say.  But I believe this year I am going to learn more lessons that any other time in my life and grow more than I have ever before, between rebuilding a marriage and raising a child.  And hopefully God can use this as a way to use me to minister to others and help others to understand who exactly our Heavenly Father is.  So, here we go...

As my family and good friends will tell you, 2012 has been the best and worst year of my life.  Starting in the end of 2011 with the birth of my beautiful and amazing son, Caleb.

I always knew I wanted to be a mother but had no idea how fantastic and difficult it truly is.  I have learned how much I am capable of love and sacrifice but also how patient I am not and how much I like to be in control.  I get the privilege of succeeding and failing every day.  I am having my faults tested everyday but also becoming better and stronger.  So many people say when you have kids, you can't even remember what life was like before them.  I can't say that I feel that way.  I remember what life was like before him but it was not nearly as entertaining!

In December, my husband of 7 1/2 years, Wes, left (I won't go into all the gory and personal details, ultimately it boils down to we both lost sight of our Heavenly Father and our marriage was almost the greatest casualty as a result) and Caleb and I moved to my Dad and Step-mom's in sunny Arizona.  This may seem like a cold thing to do to Wes, but I couldn't have raised a 5 week old on my own at that time and needed the support of my family.  God brought me to the desert (both physically and spiritually) so I could deeply experience Him in my life.  It was the most learning and growing I had done in just three short months!  I clung heavily to Jeremiah 29:11, knowing that He had a plan for me and all I needed was to be obedient to Him.  I drew near to Him and, as promised, He drew near to me. 

In March, God laid it on my heart to send an email to Wes, allowing God to use me to show him His forgiveness and redeeming love.  Truly only God could have accomplished all He did at this time.  I have said and will continue to say that full credit and glory goes to the big man for bringing Wes and I to the place we are now. 

So two big moves and 6 months later, Caleb and I are back in Arkansas, Caleb still has his daddy, and I am still married to a truly great man.  Now I am not going say that every person I love would use such kind language about my husband, but I can tell you that no matter how great the person, they still fail.  It is greatness to admit your failings and strive to do better.  It takes an incredible amount of strength, courage, and humility to try to make right what you have put wrong.  God has created that greatness in Wes.

I don't know yet what God's plan for our marriage is yet, but I can say with great certainty that whatever His plan is, if one person comes to a deeper understanding of who are great, loving, and personal God is, it will have been worth everything we have been through.  So, commencing this blogging experience, I hope I can share the journey of restoration and parenthood, though I am sure yet I would recommend going through them both at the same time!