Moving on to Canaan

In the short 29 years of my life I have moved more times that is probably normal, this not including what is normal for military kids.  Some of the moves I have made have been superficial, mere locality, but some have been the most pivotal moves of my life, life changers.  And there have been some moves that fall somewhere in between.  Moving as a child to Mound from Bloomington, MN, the in between.  Moving to my Dad's house before 10th grade, life changer.  Moving to Arkansas in 2003, life changer. Moving several times in Arkansas, change in locality.  My move to Arizona, though at the time I believed it was a life changing move, looking back it is one that falls in the in between, same with my move back to Arkansas.  Not to say that those moves weren't a big deal, they definitely were, but it is more about the affect they had on me.  I believe God wanted me in Arizona, He taught me so much there, but it was a step in His plan, part of the process, not really requiring a maximum amount of faith and ultimately changing the course of my life.  The pivotal move was made just this past weekend.

To the average persons eye, it would look very much like just a change of locality, but for me, it is so much more.  When I came back to Arkansas over a month ago, I made the choice to stay with Wes' parents until we started marriage counseling and got a green light from the counselor to move back in together.  I wasn't about to rush anything.  We got the go ahead about two weeks ago and moved Caleb and I into Wes' one bedroom apartment.  I know, one bedroom!?  It's cozy, but after much prayer, we felt it was in God's will for us to finish out the lease Wes had signed in December and wait on God during that time to guide us to the next step.  This step required a lot of faith on my part.

I was pretty anxious and scared about the move.  I had to allow myself to vulnerable to someone who had previously hurt me very deeply.  I had to put myself in a place of complete trust, but was also the most important step in order to move forward.  I was uncertain of what my life would look like.  I was afraid of getting lonely with just Caleb and I all day long.  I was afraid I wouldn't be a good enough wife.  I was afraid Wes would get to overwhelmed again.  I had to take a step to face all these fears, knowing that they were just attempts to scare me away from the life God has promised, a step of extreme faith.

I think about the story of in Genesis about Terah, Abram's father (Genesis 11:31).  He was on his way to Canaan, the promised land, with his family but stopped in Haran and settled there.  He settled.  Instead of trusting God and continuing on to all that God had promised him, the best life he could have had and given his family.  I have to continue on to all that God has promised, no matter how scary the unknown can be, I cannot settle for less that what God wants and has planned for me and my family. 

As a reward for my faith, I have peace and joy.  Despite our meager circumstances, I take joy in truly being a wife and mother.  Fears and the past try to creep there way in everyday, but I have no use for fears or doubts, I am only interested in the promises of God and knowing that He has done and is continuing to do a mighty work in my life.